Monday, April 19, 2010

I heart Rape-Man

Rape-Man is real. Rape-Man is found in Japanese comics. What Rape-Man does it very specialized and labor-intensive.
Rape-Man avenges jilted (male) lovers by finding their ex-girlfriends and raping them.
That'll teach them.
I imagine the end of such comics. (Jilted lover) "Thanks, Rape-Man." Rape-Man, "no ploblem."

Monday, April 12, 2010

Please don't drunk and post

It's just after ten in the morning and I am wasted. I blame the drug companies, which I took some of their product this morning. Trying to start exercising regularly, eating right, and dying
anyway.

Time to start lashing out reuglarly. First is for the NRA, who have 20,000 handgun deaths a year (or maybe it was 12). Time for the rest of us to storm with guns, even fake ones, because, hey the lawmakers think it's a good idea to practice anywhere. So why can't I bring one to the Capitol or the Supreme Court? They voted on a law intended to protect militia-members and made it an individual right.

Even fukin' Obama has to scrape and bow before this group, talking about "Second Amendment Rights." But it was the court's 5-4 decision to come out against DCs handgun legislation that really turned the tide. Before, there was only speculation on the law's meaning.

Notwithstanding Viginia's great sport of exporting death (in DC, up the NY), lawmakers in Virgnia and other backwoods peckerwood places have interpreted that they can as many guns as they wan't.

It's not their fault, said one supporter, if clients use the guns in crimes. They import guns for sporting reasons altogether. Anyone up for a pheasant hunt?

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Under the Broken Sky

The train tracks that led into Auschwitz end in a gatehouse, that, despite the millions killed in and around it, is surprisingly small and not nearly as threatening-looking as one might think. That's how people who have been there describe it and how it looked in the NYT today.

All my life, I have been fascinated by places where huge numbers of people breathed their last. I looked once at the rolling farmland and woods of Antietam, the bloodiest single day of the Civil War, and couldn't help thinking that for thousands, this was their last landscape of the planet Earth.

Earlier I had seen the shrapnel-filled fields of Verdun, where a million soldiers died in World War I. The day was misty, the earth winter-barren, and the thousands of crosses of the dead climbed the hills into the far distance. With the pill-boxes still there, and the outlines of the trenches never to be overgrown, it looked for all the world like "All Quiet on the Western Front."

But most places of mass death are not like that. The fields of Manassas, as a matter of fact, are beautiful and have had to be protected from the rampant development of Northern Virginia.

I went there and laid on the ground, the blood long since absorbed by the rich soil. I looked at the sky, the same sky so many looked up at before death. It hasn't changed, just as the sky at Auschwitz is not forever stained Crimson. God isn't evil, only indifferent.

Friday, April 9, 2010

New People to Harass and Bore!

I finally stole Rambler's list of links and made them mine. Read me and justify my existence. At the very least, check out the rise of "Sharking," a new and extremely disturbing/sickly fascinating trend from Japan and now, of course, LA that I have somehow missed. Start with "Fear the Shark" and see what the globe's finest voyeurs have come up with now courtesy of the Internet.

Rambler can now only be contacted through Ryan Seacrest, or, God help you, picking up a phone, thereby setting off an earthquake when/if all that weight is picked up on the other coast.

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Walsh McGuire is Out to Get Me

I've now figured out the mysterious phenomenon of Asian-characters appearing in my blog responses: It's Walsh McGuire.

When Walsh was studying Chinese in Washington, Lux and myself would leave pidgen-Mandarin gibberish messages on his answering machine. Soft-hearted tortured-poet Haverford grad Walsh was the perfect target, and we of course thought that line of study was the equivalent of bird-call analysis in the Aleutian Islands.

Now Walsh is a business mogul in Taiwan and Hong Kong, and I'm now certain he's handing me verbal dunce-caps at every chance possible now that Hari-Kari is starting to look like a good career move for me.

A thousand pardons, Walshire.

From the Land of the Rising Moon

Apparently "Sharking" originated in Japan! Yes, this practice of raising a girl's skirt and pulling down her panties (or "bottom sharking") can be found in weird vids from that land of totally restrained people. There's a lot of footage in rail and subway stations, though I have not seen the related phenomenon of ejaculating suddenly on unsuspecting women (the trains are too crowded to even let your shark out to play anyway).
What would Shamu say? (wait, he's actually a whale).

Barrage of the Asian Blog-Spam

I don't know whether Confucius has become a fan of my blog, but I keep getting these weird Asian-language responses to my entries. I have no idea what they say, but thanks to my new friends in the Far East.

Hollywood for Ugly People

This is one of the greatest descriptions of DC I've ever heard, but it strikes at something that gives me hope in my waning years. Washington is one of the few places left for wise old men.

Yes, you can look, like half the Senate, like Deputy Dawg, but your opinion is actually respected more as you grow older (hint to the hedonist left coast - it's called experience. Land of the Lotus Eaters, sycophants - a lot of big words and phrases to throw at what is some degree of the Good Life out there, and we know it.

But someone has to be the grown-ups here, and like the Roman Senate, it's left to a lot of rich old men, still, mostly. (hint to the West Coast; Rome was an empire and Republic sometime before 1979, before which the earth consisted only of Sea World and was ruled by Shamu the Whale)

Still, DC's attempts at hipness often verge on the pathetic. The fact that new restaurants in the old downtown (I know it sounds strange)were starting to use a lot of glass and chrome was seized upon by the NYT as evidence that the city now was starting to have places just like those in real sophisticated big cities.

But at least, unlike LA, we don't measure time as the space between face-lifts, provides some solace to the old and in the way in a society obsessed with youth and superficial beauty. Now if only we could get some Supermarket rags dedicated to the fabulous, hot stars of the Ways & Means Committee.

Fear the Shark in LA

A clicked-on mail entry in Yahoo got me to the most bizarre site I'd recently seen; one about "Sharking." Sharking is apparenty going up to strange women and either ripping or taking down (or up) their clothes in public, or it is the practice of approaching strange women, with you covered in a hoodie, and jacking off on them at a Starbucks or wherever.

Needless to say, this sounds pretty illegal (assault, public lewdness, indecency etc. (assault with a deadly weapon?)) even in LA, where there'll probably soon be an industry built around it and girls from Indiana lined up to volunteer for the part.

Between making sex videos and public sex, I don't know how anyone can get any work done out there. Rambler, between your hanging out with Ryan Seacrest, or however you spell that cheesebag's name, please explain the roots of this phenomenon. The only way I can explain it is that the girls wear so little in the first place that "Sharking" becomes um, a release.

Years ago a former girlfriend had a man sit next to her on the Washington Metro and start wacking off. She just got up and left the pervert to his own attentions. Now that guy can become a celebrity in LA (Ladies and Gentlemen, tonight we have a real treat: the country's greatest "Great White" Mr. xxx yyy. Let's have a big round of applause")

The bigger question is still whether LA remains a lifesyle cultural innovator or just a holding pen for extremo-narcissists of every stripe. "Alternative lifestyles" are LAs biggest contributor to modern American culture. Would you like a shot of "cream" in that Latte?

Wednesday, April 7, 2010