Hey, why didn't I think of that? I was watching Woody Allen's "Crimes and Misdemeanors" last night and there was a scene in which his sister goes out on a few dates with a man she met through the personals. The guy doesn't touch her for the first few dates, but on the third, boy does she get a perfumed surprise: the guy convinces her to let him tie her to the bed, then he squats over her and takes a dump.
I've heard some really bad dating stories, but that one takes the cake. Imagine recounting the date to your co-workers. "It was nice. He took me to dinner, then dancing. Then we went back to my place and he took a crap on me."
"I guess that sort of spoiled it, but hey, at least the restaurant and dance club were great. And he paid, so I guess I kind of owed him one."
How can I one-up that guy? Projectile vomiting on her face and fifty lashes while she's tied to the rack? A greased hamster in the rectum? The Dirty Sanchez? Maybe The Pirate.
For those of you unfamiliar with the twisted brilliance of The Pirate, here's how it works. The female fellates a man, who then blows his gentleman's relish right in her eye. As she gets up and covers her eye, her partner kicks her in the shin. She then hops around on one leg, covering her eye, and says "aye, aye, aye."
I dare Woody to push the envelope further. But pretty soon kids prematurely jaded by regular sex will say, "but Mom, everybody's doing it!"
Readers, all two of you, try to imagine a worse date than the one above. Then message me or put it in your blog.
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2 comments:
You could try having a spicy Burmese dinner, eat with your fingers, not bother washing your hands, and then go back to her place! That has exciting potential!
It was Tibetan, Jerky.
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